“One final thing I have to do… and then I’ll be free of the past.”

31 May 2015

Just to prepare you, I need to warn you that I come from a modestly large family. I consider three of my cousins close enough to be siblings, Mikey, Ginny and Derby but in total I have three Uncles, six Aunts, 14 cousins, eight cousin-in-laws, and 11 second cousins with one on the way. Overall, it may get a bit confusing which cousin is which.

Stan went in the field on Friday. Which means he’ll be out in the desert just about 24/7, with no bed, nor conventional shower and little cellphone service. Once in a while, I’ll receive the occasional text letting me know he’s okay and missing me. I text him constantly, about my day, my hopes and feelings for him.

Stan takes his job very seriously and gets stressed easily worrying about whether or not he is doing a good job. So, I try to keep my texts light to brighten his mood.

I went to my cousin, aka sister at heart, Derby’s house yesterday. Let’s just say, I love hanging out with her. She is like the cool, free version of me and I’m the uptight, neurotic version of her.

I always overthink everything and get so nervous about upsetting people but she has such a healthy outlook on life. Thursday, went so well. She drove us to her old elementary school to see our other cousin’s daughter, Calla in the play, “Alice in Wonderland Jr.”

By the time we got to the play, the doors were all locked, so we had to go to the front of the building. Trying each door brought us to the main entrance. The woman at the window was kind of jerking us around, Derby said recital instead of play and the woman wouldn’t let us in until someone corrected us…big help. Anyway, while we were searching for the auditorium, Derby was showing me her old classrooms and we even found her class graduation picture. (I remember that day, all the kids sounded so accomplished with all their achievements and community service awards. At that point, I was done with a year of college and felt like a total slacker!)

We got to the auditorium and Derby found this side door, that they were keeping open the whole time! By the time we started watching Alice was falling down the rabbit hole, so it was all cool. My cousin warned us that Calla had a small part, but that was only half true, she had small parts! She was actually on stage quite often. Calla was my flower girl, and speaking of flowers, her biggest role was as one of the flowers in the garden. She even had a pretty sassy solo as “Poison Ivy”. Calla is pretty shy around us but once she’s on stage she’s a natural! I really hope she continues.

Derby and I were triple booked, after we met up with my cousin and Aunt and Uncle, we shot back to her house picked up a birthday present for our other Uncle and headed over to his house to meet up with our other Aunt and cousins. My two male cousins both got married about three years ago and both had babies last year…well, their wives had babies last year. (Speaking of which, one had their first birthday yesterday, but I’ll get to that later.) Idk, I love my family very much, it’s just a little stressful juggling everything sometimes.

I was worried about going to Derby’s house. Murphy’s father and three of his siblings live there and I really thought seeing his father Skip and his sister Izzy was going to be upsetting for me…but it was actually really nice. Of course, I still miss them terribly but such is life. I think it’s good that I was able to come home and grieve where we lived together. Being at Derby’s house was soothing in another way, when we finally got to relax. I sat on her couch, as she introduced me to Amy Schumer and one by one I was surrounded by Murphy’s birth family.

WfM IzzynSkip
Izzy and Skip
Liesl and Digger Jr.
Liesl and Digger Jr.

I felt a little like Jimmy Stewart in Vertigo, Murphy’s sister, Izzy looks so much like Murphy and the longer I was with her the more affectionate she was becoming. By the time we were asleep, I kept one arm around her at all times.

Yesterday, we went to my other cousin’s daughter’s first birthday party. It was such a cute little party, there were pink banners and big chalk doggie footprints leading down the driveway into the house.

WfM MeBeKaFr

I must admit I am a bit envious of the life this little girl is about to embark on. I had such a wonderful childhood, full of big dogs, fresh backyards, lots of family and even more love. My cousin just moved into his house and I can just guess what life has in store for her… of course, I’m looking forward to the day I can nest and raise our own children.

So, last night, my Grandma and mom wanted to watch that Lifetime movie on Marilyn Monroe, “The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe”. I didn’t really want to watch it but towards the end, they fell asleep and I was hooked! I think Susan Sarandon is doing a great job, I recently read an article about how she was aware of the fact there are many ways to portray a schizophrenia poorly and she was up for the challenge. I do like Marilyn Monroe, from what I’ve read about her personal life, I feel really bad for her. With everything I’ve read and watched about her, I’m surprised there were things I didn’t know about her life. I’m really looking forward to seeing the second half tonight.

I fell asleep towards the end of the hour long special on “Marilyn and Her Men” and was awakened by a surprise call from Stan! He couldn’t talk long but it was just nice to hear his voice. He sounded happy which warms my heart.

Thank you again for reading! I hope you have a great week!!


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