“I love you, too. Thanks Beethoven, you saved my life. But you better go home now. Mom said to stay in the back yard.”

I can’t sleep. Jet lag is partly to blame but mostly the empty house. I’m back East for the time being. Before Murphy and Evie got sick, I had planned on going back to my parent’s house for the first time after the wedding in June. My High School is having its 50th Anniversary and I have a secret event I will disclose as soon as it’s no longer secret.

And I thought I was going to be able to be home longer…no such luck. Stan’s going out into the field this coming Friday and won’t be coming out until the weekend of the anniversary. So, on the bright side, I get to spend time with my family…..Annnd on the even brighter side, if all goes well, Stan will be flying out here to visit for his four day weekend! Which means no lonely flight home!! (which is a real treat, since he usually only get out here during the holidays!!!)


Now, back to the reason I’m writing this at 1:09AM EST. I knew it was going to be hard to come back “home” but then again nothing could have really prepared me for what I have come home to.

Reasons a house is just not a home without a furry companion, and theories for why I can’t sleep:

  • Usually, Murphy and Evie greet us at the door like an old married couple whenever we return home.
  • Murphy would be so excited to see us that he’d forget he had to go to the bathroom, so we’d have to escort him to the door.
  • Our carpets are free from dog hair. Like, my roommate, junior year of High School would say, “an outfit is not complete without fur”.
    • Side Note: I used to get happy when I would find strands of fur on my clothes when I was far from home. (Mom thought I was nuts) Well, I found one today and held on to it until I could place it with a small group of fur we collected from Murphy and Evie.
  • My dad left a piece of chocolate on the coffee table and I almost told him to pick it up before the dogs got it.
    • Some may find that a plus, but no longer can we count on the dogs to pick up fallen food we accidentally drop in the kitchen.
  • Every time I hear the sliding glass door, I can’t help but think of the dogs being let out or in.
  • Sometimes my dad and I would take Evie with us when we would bring the garbage out or retrieve the mail.
  • No need to fear what waits in the dark, Murphy and Evie would protect me from anything and everything.
  • And what I probably miss the most and the number one reason for why I can’t sleep is that I usually bunk with Murphy.

I tried reading, got a little caught up with rereading one of my favorite books from High School, SPEAK, which is not exactly a feel good book and I found myself awake past midnight. I turned off the light and snuggled in to sleep. That’s when the thought hit me like a ton of bricks. This was the first night sleeping in my bed without Murphy in about 13 years. Granted, we didn’t spoon every single night, but he was always near me. Either between my knees, pressed up against my back, on my pillow or even under my bed. I tried just falling asleep but I couldn’t help but let the tears out. I missed my Murphy and I missed my Stan…I was the bologna without its bread. I tried breathing the tears away but I felt the urge to write and I really need to start listening to my computer screen.

So, armed with my notebook, SPEAK and that devilishly handsome picture of Murphy, I went downstairs to get my emotions out. And like the sadist I am, put Beethoven on to keep me company.

The commercial at the beginning of the tape didn’t help much, it was nostalgic but for an odd reason it got me kind of edgy about being alone downstairs? Not sure if you remember the VHS opening commercial for Beethoven, but just in case, here it is:


I better head off to bed, Beethoven is over and has already rewound itself and according to my California clock it’s about 2 minutes to midnight, which means, I should really try sleeping again.

Thank you for reading and listening to me grieve about my buddies.

Here are a few things Murphy and I and sometimes Evie did the two weeks it was just the three of us:

May the Fourth

WfM Evie enjoying SW WfM Murphy watching RotJ

Cinco De Mayo

WfM CincodeMayoMurphy

Vet visit

WfM VetVisit

Injury from vet visit

That's from Evie lightly stepping on my foot.

Killed a spider with our bare hands (Murphy was there for moral support)

Note: I'm scared of spiders, so this is impressive for me.
Note: I’m scared of spiders, so this is impressive for me.

bubble bath

WfM blogbath4

Beauty Time



WfM MnE sleepover WFM Sleepover MurphynEvie 1

Celebrated Mother’s Day (With a very precious, unexpected gift)


Found the original sarlacc pit


Wrote another letter to Stan


And prayed

WfM Praying


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