20 May 2015
Life has been pretty challenging the past few weeks. Evie passed away on Sunday, she had a heart attack in her sleep, which is fortunate that she didn’t have to suffer through the decay of her body but it was still a shock. She was given four to six months. We think Murphy held on a little longer so that Evie could go first. She doesn’t do well with being alone and got really depressed when Murphy was in the hospital. Murphy passed away Tuesday evening.
I was really upset yesterday. It’s really hard trying to believe in God during times like these. My Aunt passed away in March to advanced esophageal cancer. I prayed for her and I’ve been praying each night for Murphy and Evie. I prayed really hard and to multiple saints. And yesterday I was really struggling. I know some people think animals are meaningless and that I’m foolish for being so upset over something with such a short life span. I don’t expect those people to feel my pain and quite frankly, I don’t get how they think either. Because, Murphy and Evie have given me more love and support in the past 13 years than most of the humans I’ve met over my lifetime. It’s hard to believe in God during times like these when my prayers aren’t answered but I think it’s better to believe that I’ll meet my loved ones again someday than to just think that there’s nothing more than blackness. And if there is no heaven, then I won’t know any better when I do die.
And before I update you on what’s been happening the last two weeks, I’m just going to grieve a little for my buddies.
I’ve been fortunate enough the past few years to really realize just how lucky we all were to have found one another. I’ve had four dogs in my life and each one came to us when we needed them most.
My dad bought a red golden retriever named Reilly before he met my mom. They were best buds, two bachelors rooming together. Then he met and married my mom and I was born. Now, Reilly was as strong as an Ox, no rope, chain nor electrical cord could hold him. I thought the world of Reilly, he was my big brother, my protector. He would keep me safe from harm.
Reilly passed away from Cancer in January, we moved about six months later and that Thanksgiving we bought Sparky. I was young and dorky and Sparky was a big teddy bear. He loved eating so much, he once ate two pairs of eye glasses… We got Murphy when Sparky was five. Almost a year later Sparky tragically died. His stomach twisted, apparently something happened to his litter because his brothers and sisters had short lives as well. We waited a year before looking at another Golden.
We met Evelyn, “Evie” on my sixteenth birthday. She was so little and unknowing. She walked into the pool when we first brought her home. Reilly didn’t like water and we didn’t have the pool when Sparky was a puppy, it was such an eye opening experience for me. But she quickly became a fierce swimmer, even diving in to “save” Murphy and me. She was our beautiful tomboy with a heart of gold.
And although I received Evie for my birthday, she latched onto my dad, right away. He was the Hank to her Ladybird. He had nothing but good things to say about her and she would look longingly into his eyes. (My mom and I knew she was just biding her time until it was legal for dogs to marry their humans, lol)
And the really quirky thing is, Murphy was a birthday present to my dad. My Grandparents bought him from my aunt whose dogs had a litter. This little fact makes this just even more harder, because she was my Aunt who recently passed away. After she passed, looking at Murphy would just make me think of her and now I don’t even have that. But the thing about faith and looking on the bright side of things, is that at least they can be together and I know he’s in good hands.
Murphy was my special little guy, he was the Bart to my Marge, my baby. I think I latched onto him because everyone always complained about how hyper and intense he was. I always defended him and took care of him and kept him safe. And in turn he kept me safe, mentally, by cheering me up and licking away my tears when I was sad or physically, by standing on my head and growling at my parents when they tried to wake me up in High School. He would even sit between me and Stan when we first started dating.
I bought him a ton of ridiculous clothes which he would humor me with. When I went away to college, I had this huge poster of him made that’s been hanging wherever I live ever since. He was one of my top three best good friends and I miss him so much but I know it’s going to be ten times harder once I go back East for a visit. Since now I can still pretend that they’ll both be there when I return.
When all is said and done, the silver lining in this whole situation is that they went together. Above all their bickering over bones and fighting over getting attention, they were buddies, a real dynamic duo. The perfect pair: Evie was the muscle, Murphy was the mouth. They were both April babies and both passed away in May, just two days a part. Evie was 11, which “they” say is a good age for Goldens but Murphy was just 13. And both of his parents are still alive…seriously, the only thing aside from bad luck and life is that Murphy knew Evie needed him. Evie was never good with being far from home, she enjoyed being with the family.
I can’t remember the first time I read “The Rainbow Bridge” but I do remember the vet giving us a copy when they gave us Sparky’s ashes. She gave us another copy after my cat passed away, but that is a tail best left for another post. I have yet to read “The Rainbow Bridge” since Murphy and Evie’s passing. I’m waiting but just in case you don’t know what I’m talking about, here is a copy of the poem. Warning: its a tearjerker.
I really want to believe in that rainbow bridge. I want to believe that someday we’ll all be together again, happy and fulfilled.